I am all of you

Lunches n Dinners

One great thing about having moved around so much is the number of people I’ve met.

Thank you for making my time in Chicago fun and for having a farewell meal with me:

Ally / Karen (pk family)
Jesus Ramirez Valles (former advisor)
Diana Garcia (former supervisor)
Lawrence / JP / Nick / David (guys in the office)
Dman / Danny (pk kids) - even tho they missed it technically
Susie / Gunner / Jeff / Natalie (Susie, dog, husband, niece)
Jacque (friend and sponsor)

Can’t wait to see you in Nebraska for a welcome meal:

Poodle! (bf)
Bob n Bob (great friends)
Jordan (great friend)
M’shell (former employer)
Robin / Isis / Orien (high school friend and her kids)
Pauline (former boss)
Ron & Ruth Ann Popp / Wheatfields Crew (former employer and coworkers)
Those coming to Gnomes’ for karaoke - many wonderful friends
Nina (poodle’s old boss)
Loretta (poodle’s former client)
David City Crew (poodle’s friends and family)
Deb (poodle’s mom)
Pre-Easter Din Din in York (poodle’s family)
MY MOM & DAD (see you sunday!)
ZARI
EJA
SAMMIE

I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL! LOVE YA!

excerpt from the book "The Reader"

“then i began to betray her. Not that i gave away any secrets or exposed Hanna. I didn’t reveal anything that i should have kept to myself. i kept something to myself that i should have revealed.”

Wow - to hold something in = betrayal. the internal struggle that ultimately cheats both parties.

from another book, “The Kite Runner”

“there is only one crime punishable by God, theft. all other crimes and sins can fall under theft. when you kill a man, you steal his life. when you lie to a person, you steal their right to the truth. and so on.”

now i am not sure where i was going by connecting these two thoughts. is it theft to keep something from someone, even if it is just a feeling? more importantly, are we stealing from ourselves by not being who we truly are?

Suffering

Eastern philosophy suggests that life is about learning how to respond to and be aware of the suffering around us. Now, when I think of suffering, I think of something horrific such as someone seriously injured in a car accident. I don’t typically think of small things as suffering such as the pain we feel when we are disappointed by someone or something or the pain from a bad day, but this is all referred to as ‘suffering’…

so with that in mind, here’s is the ancient eastern philosophy:

“If we don’t get what we want, we suffer
If we get what we don’t want, we suffer
Even if we get what we want we still suffer because we can’t hold onto it forever.”

It’s true. I am constantly in a state of suffering. It is hard to accept the here and now and not be in a sense of longing for what is or is not and/or not worrying about how long I’ll have it….

I remind myself today, accept what is. not what could be, not what is not, not of what will not last. just be here just be now.

Mormons v.s. The Gays

New Charges Filed Against Mormon Church
By Julie Bolcer

The California group that in November charged the Mormon Church with failing to report the full extent of its financial involvement in Proposition 8 added to its complaint on Thursday. Fred Karger of Californians Against Hate filed charges with the California Fair Political Practices Commission, accusing the church of creating the National Organization for Marriage as a front group for its efforts in the state, and of failing to report the costs as required by law.

The National Organization for Marriage was one of the leading political action committees involved in the successful campaign to ban same-sex marriage. Supporters of the ban raised more than $40 million.

Karger based his new charges on memos leaked by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that show similarities between the battle in California and a campaign fought against same-sex marriage in Hawaii in the 1990s.

The amended complaint also charges that the LDS Church underreported non-monetary contributions to the Prop. 8 campaign such as compensated staff time for church officials and funds for TV and Web commercial production.

A spokesman for the church denied the charges to The Salt Lake Tribune . A statement from the church says that the church did not establish the National Organization for Marriage and that all contributions “are a matter of public record.”

The California Fair Political Practices Commission continues its investigation.

BRETT SPEAKING NOW - IT IS JUST SAD. GROUPS USING GOD TO PROMOTE HATE, INTOLERANCE AND BIGOTRY.

Destiny

Do things happen for a reason, or do we find reason out of things that happen?  Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I have been struggling with trying to understand the belief that ‘everything happens for a reason’.  I recently watched a movie “The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas”.  It’s about Nazi Germany and a concetration camp.  I was already questioning destiny or fate.  I find it difficult to believe that it was part of God’s plan to have millions of people die.  That is one example of many horrific experiences that in times of despair people often rely on ‘everything happens for a reason’.

Another example to people saying things like “it was meant to be” in regard to the people we meet. The people in our lives (past, present, future), did God hand pick them too? personally, i find it hard to believe that there is a specific plan laid out for each of us as to who and how we are supposed to meet. think about how many there are so many of us on the planet

What made me think about this is my friendship with my dear friend Susie. We came into each others lives at a time when we were both very focused on self in a ego-driven way. We became friends over a year after initially meeting b/c our hearts were open to receive the transfer of positive energy. i am thankful for that blessing. i am thankful that along my path, during that crucial moment, i was in touch with positive forces.

Avuuqavioaugzillions (i know, i made that up) but it’s a lot! It is a struggle for me to concede that there is a big man up there (aka God in the traditional sense of the word) in a chair and he’s carefully laying out a plan for us one by one. people skirt around this issue by saying, he has a plan, but gave us free will…. what’s the point in that? i think it takes responsibility off people as well. we can just blame it on ‘the plan’….

I am not saying it is definitely not possible, what i am saying is that the IMprobability of it happening is greater than the probability of is happening.

What about the plan god made to send the children, women and fathers thru concentration camps? or the plan to give thousands of people lung cancer when they grew up in a time when medical knowledge had no evidence to suggest it was bad AND some doctors even prescribed cigarette smoking to patients…

i don’t mean to sound bitter b/c i am not. I believe in a higher power, beyond our level of comprehension, therein exists a balance of good and evil, positive and negative, love and hate. Kinda like the force from Star Wars, or yin yang. I believe that our only destiny is to contribute love in this life. I believe that when incredible things happen in my life or I experience an ‘awakening’ of sorts or great hardship, if my heart and mind are open to love and positive energy, then i will experience a ‘blessing’. this sounds kinda like i am in control of my own blessings, but that is not the case. I think that i have probably missed many blessing b/c i was caught up in ego. i think i am surrounded by both + and - energy all the time, but when i make a regular effort to stay in touch with my spiritual side, i am open to more blessings because i make more actions through love.

Thus, it is my destiny add love to the balance by “seeking, though prayer and meditation, to improve a conscious contact with a higher power as i understand it’. the rest will follow.

I understand that people try to find hope and meaning in such unexplicable events and developing faith in times of turmoil allow people to feel better.  However, I just can’t concede that things do happen for a reason, as suggested by that expression.

With that said, I DO believe however that if our hearts and minds are open to love, which is my higher power, that we are able to find hope and direction and reason when faced with times of great hardship.  When our heart’s desire is not centered in the ego, but rather in love and doing the next loving thing, that a spirit or energy moves through us.  It allows us to continue to believe in hope for a good future, while acknowledging a difficult past.  we are able to move through times of trouble and find reason and move in a positive direction.  that is love / positive energy working through us and other people.